![]() Though the idea of being positive all the time sounds good on paper, it’s unrealistic because life is far from perfect. Whether we like it or not, life gets hard for all of us, and no amount of positivity can change that. Toxic positivity is all about being positive no matter what, inevitably ignoring and invalidating the experience of those struggling, even yourself. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions.” Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic. ![]() “You need to do something to rearrange your relationship to your internal physiological state,” he says.The Psychology Group describes toxic positivity, saying, “The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. Van Der Kolk points out that we respond to traumatic stress physically, and that healing should involve our bodies, not just our conscious selves and that can include all movement from yoga to biking or tango dancing. “The devastating argument makes is not that the body keeps the score, it’s that the mind hides the score from us,” said Klein. □️ Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, a bestselling book about trauma had a fascinating conversation with Ezra Klein for his podcast this week. □ The 18 Most Memorable Trees in Literature : This new book includes gorgeous passages from classics like Robert Frost’s Birch in “Birches” to Ross Gay’s Peach in “The Opening” Is Getting a Crash Course in Scientific Uncertainty As the pandemic takes an unexpected direction, Americans again must reckon with twists in our understanding of the virus. via Pandemic of Love, and visit their site, or World Central Kitchen to find out how you can help those without power in Louisiana. And see below for ways to support resettled Afghan evacuees in the U.S. Plus, how to talk with veterans about the fall of Afghanistan. ❤️□ Here are ways you can help people in Afghanistan and earthquake relief efforts in Haiti. To be ‘well’ is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Or as the Nagoski sisters write in Burnout: ![]() But if you change your expectations and see joy as a random by-product in the quest for purpose, you’ll feel delighted rather than deprived. Being alive means you’re in a state of flux, and if you think of wellness and happiness things you can achieve with the right ingredients and habits, you will be exhausted trying to hang on to stasis. Let happiness ensue, rather than chasing it (to paraphrase Viktor Frankl). Are you overspending on the actions that don’t have meaning long term, or putting your best self into things that will matter to you in 10 years, like your family or the people whose lives you influence? As Henry Thoreau put it: “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” (With thanks to readers Linda, Tjong-Liem, Bea, and Chet for their thoughts on this topic.) Spend your time like love: We vote on what means most to us with our energy and time, so consider where you’re investing your heart. And, in uncertain times, these brief exchanges signal to us that the world is a safe place write Emily and Amelia Nagoski in Burnout: The secret to solving the stress cycle. Readers Chet and Stuart both stressed this idea of turning outward instead of focusing on self in their notes about staving off cynicism. They tether us to each other and the world. It could be a two-minute conversation with someone waiting for a bus with you or a barista or someone in the dairy aisle, but those little moments of humanity can infuse ordinary days with meaning. (More in future editions.)Ĭonnect, connect, connect: Cultivate casual, friendly social interactions. So in that spirit, here are a few bits of the wisdom I’ve collected from experts and readers of this newsletter. But if Frankl and Gotlib are correct, it’s possible to have optimism in the face of collective tragedies, comprehend our lack of control over the future, and still kindle optimism about our ability to find connection and purpose. So the question I ask is how do we keep evolving in periods of stress? Can we incorporate gratefulness into our daily thinking, or will we succumb to self-pity or avoidance of anything ugly or difficult? Stressors don’t deliver growth and perspective automatically.
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